Nature Challenge: Thursday

You'll have to forgive me for the text-heavy post. And the run-on sentences!


I usually try to always keep things cheery here since this little blog is my escape from the stresses of life. But man, it's been a really off week for me and I'm struggling to kick so many negative emotions. Of course, there are those feelings of self-doubt. At 22, the future is as exciting as it is daunting. And often times, I go back and forth deciding which dream I need to wake up from -- my ambitions or my fears. Ultimately, I seek the Lord's plan for my life and I know that I'll do great things in His plan, regardless of whether or not I consider them great achievements.  But the uncertainty about my future really frustrates me so I eventually just decide on which direction to move in and how I'll get to the end goal -- hoping that I've made the right decision. I'm sure that God is moving me to where I need to be.

Then there are those feelings of insecurity that bog me down. I look at all these amazing, talented people around me and in the blogosphere and wonder why I'm not like them or why my life doesn't look like theirs. I know its unhealthy to compare yourself to others. I shouldn't. If I find myself different, I should consider it a blessing that I have something different to offer...right? I guess that solves it then.

Finally, there are those feelings on the ever-so-common spiraling post-grad social life. I feel most comfortable keeping people at a friendly arms length away, but I witness close friendships and I start to think about those few special friendships close to my heart that have slipped my grip over the years and how much I wish that I could get them back -- but then I wouldn't know how to do so if I approached them. I need the courage to face the possibility of being rejected.

The last two years of my life have been the most hectic years of my life. I've never spent so many late nights stinging with anxiety as I did these past two years, but I've also never grown so much. I am a very different from who I was two years ago -- and I'm very thankful to God for those growing pains. Every tear was not shed in vain, but pushed me to be better. Praise God! That being said, I still have a long ways to go ;)

Thanks for sticking with me, whoever you are reading this. :) Until tomorrow!